Do you envision your child or student displaying more prosocial behavior but don’t know how to cultivate those behaviors? Would you like to be proactive and positive with your child but find yourself being reactive and even negative? Do you sometimes feel defeated or helpless, wanting to help your child understand how to behave in a more positive way? You’re not alone.
Now imagine a transformation. Imagine a home with less fighting, less whining, more calm, and more joy. Imagine a classroom with less chaos, less overwhelm, more peace, and more learning. It’s possible. Sure, your sweet, little muffins aren’t going to magically transform overnight! But it’s possible to increase their prosocial behavior, one step at a time.
You know it When You Don’t See It!
We’ve all been there- you see an interaction between two children you’re in charge of whether in your home or in a classroom, and you think, “Oh, (insert your favorite naughty word here), that’s not going to work!”
Maybe sibling A took a toy from sibling B, and sibling B raised her arm and swatted sibling A! Maybe student A is bravely reading a sentence in front of the class in a somewhat…slow,…choppy…pace, and student B shouts out, “You’re bad at reading!”
Can you relate to these scenarios? It’s not easy being the adult in these situations! Where’s the rule book? What are we supposed to do? “Siri, please respond to my children when they fight.” “Alexa, please teach my students how to increase their prosocial behavior.”
Identify the Undesired Behavior
The 1st Step in boosting a child’s prosocial behavior is to identify the undesired behavior. In the first scenario, the undesired behaviors were taking a toy from someone without asking and hitting. In the second scenario, the problem behavior was shouting out before thinking- it interrupted the class and hurt a friend’s feelings.
Now, when you’re brainstorming what undesired behaviors you may want to improve in your children, you might come up with several, and that’s okay! But choose just one undesired behavior to work on at a time.
It can be overwhelming to ask a child to change multiple behaviors at the same time. I mean, do we as adults? I’ll speak for myself- no! I’m thrilled if I can change ONE of my behaviors like getting more sleep, eating healthily, or drinking a gallon of water a day (well, maybe not when I’m teaching…hello, lack of bathroom breaks!). Once one behavior has improved, you can move on to another one.
Often, improving one behavior has a positive effect on other behaviors. This could happen for many reasons. Children could be generalizing concepts you’re teaching them- “Hmm, I know I’m supposed to ask for a toy from my brother instead of taking it from him. I should probably ask my friend at school for her toy instead of taking it from her.”
Also, when you, as a beloved adult in their life, take time to talk to them about a behavior, ask how they’re feeling and what they’re thinking, read books about this behavior, do activities together related to this behavior, you’re giving them a ton of attention! When you spend intentional time with your child to improve their prosocial behavior, you’re also filling their love tank!
What is Prosocial Behavior?
The 2nd Step in boosting a child’s prosocial behavior is to identify the desired behavior. What would be a prosocial way to behave instead? So, what are prosocial behaviors?
Prosocial Definition
Prosocial is an adjective that connotes a positive contribution to another person, people, group, or community. It describes something that supports the social fabric of a relationship or relationships.
Prosocial Behavior Definition
Prosocial behavior is anything that promotes positivity between two people or within a group. You can think of prosocial behavior that promotes positivity between family members, between friends, between students and teachers in a classroom or positivity in another group, community, or the world in general.
In young children, this could look like developing empathy, learning different ways to help, be kind, and get along with other children, and learning to distinguish between behaviors that contribute positively and negatively to a group or relationship.
Growing children’s prosocial behavior also includes the work of developing their own self-awareness and self-regulation. The better children can understand their own feelings, the better they can respond to those around them.
Examples of Prosocial Behavior
Let’s identify the desired behaviors from the scenario where sibling A took a toy from sibling B, and sibling B swatted sibling A in response. The first undesired behavior that occurred was taking the toy without asking. A desired, prosocial behavior might be asking for the toy.
In the classroom scenario, the undesired behavior was shouting out before thinking. The desired behavior could be asking ourself how our words will affect others before we say them out loud. (Um, you can probably think of some adults who could use this lesson, too…)
Teach an Example of Prosocial Behavior
The 3rd Step in boosting a child’s prosocial behavior is to explain the desired behavior to your child. I like to do this at a calm, quiet time when I can really focus on doing a good job of explaining the desired, prosocial behavior.
At home, this might be while reading bedtime stories or when another sibling is napping. At school, this might be while other students are independently working.
It’s crucial for both of you to feel calm, so you can do your best teaching, and your child’s brain can do its best learning.
Use Visuals to Reinforce Prosocial Behavior Examples
Visuals help all brains at any age make connections and increase the likelihood of remembering something. Children are especially reliant on visuals to support their learning.
Find books that cover topics similar to the desired, prosocial behavior your child is working on. Sometimes it’s easier for children to talk about a fictional situation with characters in a story than it is to talk about their own lives.
This can be a great time to find out more about what your child is thinking and feeling. “Oh, I see Ana took the toy from Andre without asking. How do you think that made Andre feel?”
Look for related materials children can manipulate in some way like interactive notebooks, worksheets, coloring books, and games. When children color, cut, glue, fold, and play with materials related to what they’re learning, it helps them process this new content in their brain.
Visuals for Prosocial Behavior Example
Let’s say you want to focus on the prosocial behavior of asking for a toy versus taking it out of a child’s hand. Getting some library books on sharing might be helpful. Your child and you could discuss how the characters ask (or could ask) for a turn. Printing coloring pages of kids playing with toys might be helpful. Maybe your child could add speech bubbles that say something like, “Could I please have a turn with that?” “Okay, how about I play with it for one more minute and then you can have a turn?” Finding worksheets, interactive notebooks, or games about sharing could help your child process their new learning about this prosocial behavior.
Praise Children for Their EFFORT in Developing Prosocial Skills
Spoiler alert: children may not magically have perfect behavior overnight! Learning how to change our behavior is HARD! Acknowledge and praise children’s effort in developing the desired, prosocial behavior you teach them, regardless of whether or not they carry it out correctly. You know they are learning, and you are proud of them for working so hard.
Reiterate to them that you love and care for them always, regardless of their behavior. They are always a good kid, period. Certain behaviors we can describe as good, bad, helpful, not helpful, kind, hurtful, etc., but the child is ALWAYS a good child.
Echoing again and again how loved our children are helps them develop a healthy self-identity AND expands their empathy for others! They can more easily separate the behavior from the person. Everybody makes mistakes. When they understand that only behaviors are good or bad and that kids are ALWAYS good, it helps them look beyond the undesired behaviors of others.
Be Proud of Yourself for Teaching Sociality!
You are amazing. You have so much on your plate, so little time, and yet, here you are seeking out information to help the little humans in your life develop prosocial skills. They are lucky to have you. The work you are doing with children, whether in your home or in your classroom, is so important.
And remember, you don’t have to do everything today. You don’t have to teach EVERY prosocial behavior possible! Do what you can, little by little. That’s enough.
For More Information, Check Out These Related Articles!
9 Ways for Parents to Promote Prosocial Behavior in Early Childhood
Prosocial Behavior: 4 Thought-Provoking Research Findings
50 Children’s Books for Teaching Social Skills
Other Outstanding Articles You May Enjoy!
Want some classroom management ideas promised to reduce student behaviour? Check out Jennifer Beaupre’s blog!
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