Do you have a child who follows direction only sometimes? Have you ever felt unsure if you could keep a child safe because they didn’t listen to you? Maybe you’ve experienced the frustration and fatigue of repeating the same direction multiple times.
Teaching children to follow directions can truly be exhausting work. But what if there was an easier way? What if we had a framework that would coach children, in a kind and loving way, to follow our directions easily?
I was in the TSA line at the airport when I saw it. A little boy ran right past the agent without getting checked first. His father yelled at him to come back, the TSA agent yelled at him to come back, but the boy just responded with, “No!” Whoa.
Now, there are times when a child not listening to an adult is just annoying- both for the adult as well as the bystanders! But there are other times when a child not following an adult’s directions is more serious and potentially a safety issue.
Luckily, in this case, everything eventually worked out. Another agent had to come over, all lines had to stop, as they cleared the dad to go through, retrieve his son, and bring him back to the agent to make sure his face matched his ID, he could say his name, etc. But this whole situation just highlighted one of the reasons why it’s so important that a child follows direction.
What Does it Mean to Follow Directions?
The first thing to do when teaching a child to follow directions is to define terms associated with that concept. Children hear things like, “Listen to your teacher,” “Be on your best behavior at the birthday party,” “Follow your coach’s directions,” etc. What are some things your children might hear in their unique contexts?
You could start by saying, “Following directions is when a person in charge tells you to do something, and you do it.” Then you could brainstorm different situations they might be familiar with and have them say examples and non-examples of following directions.
For example, “Let’s say you’re playing with your Legos, and Daddy says it’s time to brush your teeth. What would it look like to follow directions?” Or you could describe a response and have your child label it. “What if you said, ‘No! I’m not going to brush my teeth! I’m just going to play with my Legos forever!’ Would that be following directions or not following directions?” I’m guessing you’ll get some giggles out of that one!
Defining these terms and making sure your child understands the concept of following directions and not following directions lays a solid foundation for their upcoming learning and helps them feel confident!
Why is it Important to Follow Directions?
After you’ve discussed what it even means to follow directions with your child, it’s time to talk about why it’s important. There are many reasons why it’s important for children to follow direction depending on the situation.
You might talk about how the adults in charge, whether at home or at school, love and care about them. It’s the adult’s job to keep them safe. Adults in charge also help us stay healthy by teaching us about nutrients in food, how to cough and sneeze in our elbow, and reminding us about healthy habits, like brushing our teeth.
You could explain how in group settings like school, dance class, sports practice, religious classes, etc. it helps everyone learn when the group follows direction. When each student is following direction, it lets the teacher teach and the students learn.
Another benefit of everyone following the directions is that it helps us all have fun! Like if we’re playing a game at recess and someone isn’t playing by the rules, it gets confusing and sometimes frustrating. But when everyone is following the directions, it helps the game be fun for everyone!
Who Are the Adults in Charge?
Now that you’ve talked to your child about what it means when someone follows direction and why it’s important, you can discuss who they should be following direction from. In other words, who are the adults in charge in their life you want them to listen to?
If your child goes to school, you could discuss the adults in charge there like their classroom teacher, specialist teachers, lunch and recess teachers, the principal, etc. Where else does your child go outside the home, and who are the adults in charge in those places?
In your home, which adults do you expect your child to be following direction from? Most children can readily identify their parents as adults in charge. But do you ever have other family members or babysitters in your home?
It can be helpful to explicitly talk about these people and let your child know who you want them to listen to, so they feel safer with those adults and know your expectations. They should know that all these adults care about them and want to keep them safe, healthy, learning, and having fun!
What are Some Common Directions Your Child Might Hear?
Now that you’ve identified what it means to follow directions, why it’s important, and who they should follow direction from, you can talk about some common directions they might hear throughout the day!
This can be an empowering way for children to show you they know the expectations in the different environments they’ve been in before. There might be contexts your child is in often, like home and school. There might be other contexts they’re in less frequently, like your friend’s home, a dentist’s office, or somewhere on a family vacation. This can be a helpful conversation to have again before they visit any of those less familiar environments.
Ways Your Child Follows Direction at School
If your child is in school, they’ll probably be an expert at this topic! While your child’s teacher and school probably have expectations and directions unique to them, there are plenty of ways children follow directions that are common to most schools.
Let’s start with one way to follow directions when the teacher is talking. You guessed it- listen! How can we follow directions when it’s a peer’s turn to talk? Right again- listen. You can then ask your child why following direction in these situations is important.
For example, why should we listen when the teacher is talking? So we can learn and hear the directions (i.e., directions for how to do an assignment, directions for what the teacher wants the whole class to do like push in chairs and line up for lunch, etc.). Why should we listen when it’s a peer’s turn to talk? It shows respect, and it’s how we learn from and about each other.
Brainstorming ways your child follows direction and why they’re important builds their confidence and helps them feel like an expert!
Ways Your Child Follows Direction at Home
Okay, this may not always happen! But ideally, what does it look like when your child follows direction at home? And why is it important?
This might be a great time to explore times you’ve noticed it’s been more difficult for your child to follow directions. For example, maybe they have a hard time following direction when you tell them to wear a helmet. You could ask why this is. Maybe there’s something going on you’re unaware of, like that it doesn’t fit properly and feels uncomfortable. Or maybe they just need to know the purpose of your direction- you love them and want to keep their head safe.
Acknowledge that Following Direction Can Be Hard
Being a kid can be hard! Yes, they don’t have to pay bills or worry about bank accounts yet, but they do have less freedom in some ways than adults. And they want to feel seen and heard just like the rest of us!
For example, when they’ve taken hours to build a fort in the living room with sheets hanging over furniture, cushions everywhere, random stuffies holding things in place, and then you tell them they have 5 more minutes until they need to clean it up…? Devastating! That’s the last thing they want to do!
Another common time it’s hard for kids to follow direction is when the bell rings at the end of recess. What a bummer. They were just having the best time ever! After being told all day to “walk in the hallway,” “focus on your work,” and “use your indoor voice,” recess is a magical time when kids can run, yell, and have fun with their friends!
It’s nice to have an intentional time to celebrate children for following direction. You could ask them how it made them feel to have to clean up their fort or line up when they wanted to keep playing. Then you can validate those feelings and tell them how proud you are of them for following direction, even when it’s hard.
How to Get a Child Who Follows Direction the First Time Asked
Yes, following directions can be hard. Yes, following directions might make children feel frustrated, sad, or disappointed. It’s okay for them to feel any feelings when we, as the adults in charge, give a direction. And nevertheless, the expectation is that when an adult in charge gives a direction, they follow it the first time asked.
What does “first time asked” mean? Well, I’m sure you’ve experienced what it doesn’t mean! “Isabelle, it’s time to put on your shoes.” 2 minutes later: “Isabelle, come put your shoes on, please.” 1 minute later: “Isabelle! Come put on your shoes!” 20 seconds later: “Isabelle, if you don’t put your shoes on right now, there’s no screen time tonight!”
Or how about this school example: “Okay, 3rd Graders, time to come to the carpet, please.” (15 out of 25 kids continue to color at their desks.) “3rd Graders, you can finish your coloring later. Please come to the carpet now.” (5 kids keep on coloring.) “Thank you to my 3rd Graders who are on the carpet ready to learn. If you are still at your desk, you are not following directions right now!” (1 kid keeps on coloring.) “Sam! If you don’t come to the carpet right now, you’re going to lose a minute of recess!”
How annoying it is to have to repeat yourself over and over. What a waste of our valuable time and energy! And we certainly don’t want to let kids develop a bad habit of completely ignoring adults’ directions!
We want to teach children to follow directions the first time asked. We want them to know that “It’s time to put on your shoes” or “It’s time to come to the carpet” means now. When your child follows directions the first time asked, especially when this is something new to them, it’s a great idea to celebrate them! “Great job following directions the first time asked! I’m so proud of you!”
What Children Should Do if They Don’t Understand the Direction
Just as you are being so wonderfully explicit with what it means to follow directions, what those directions might sound like, etc., it’s helpful to tell children exactly what they should do if they don’t understand a direction. This can look different depending on the context.
Maybe their coach told them to do a certain drill, but they were absent when the rest of the team learned that drill, so they don’t understand the direction. How should they respond?
Maybe their teacher taught a math lesson and wants them to do a follow-up activity on their own, but they don’t understand what they’re supposed to do. What would be an appropriate next step?
It can be so powerful to let children think through how they would respond and what they would say in certain situations. And this is definitely a skill that translates outside the realm of following direction!
How to Be Safe When Following Direction
So we want children to know that they are expected to follow directions from the adults in charge the first time asked. You’ve talked to them about who the adults in charge are, some common directions they might hear, and that you expect them to follow those directions the first time asked.
We also want children to pay attention to any uncomfortable feelings that come up for them. You want them to know they can talk to you about anything at any time. This is yet another example of something that is so important for us to explicitly tell our kids. They can come talk to us anytime about anything that makes them feel uncomfortable.
This might be a great time to ask if they’re ever felt this way before. Maybe they got paired up with someone in school, and it made them feel uncomfortable because they hadn’t worked or played with that peer before. You can validate their feelings- it’s normal to feel anxious when we’re not sure what to expect!
Whatever experience they have had or will have that makes them feel uncomfortable, you want them to know it’s good to pay attention to how they feel, and they can always come to you to help problem solve.
Help Children Actually REMEMBER What You’ve Taught Them About Following Directions!
You have done a fantastic job talking to your children about following direction! Well done! Now how do you get them to actually remember what you’ve talked about?
We know sometimes the things we say to children go in one ear and out the other! If we want a child who remembers what we’ve talked about and follows direction, we need to provide them with processing activities.
You could give your child a coloring book about following direction, some cut-and-paste activities, or play a game with them about following the directions! The important thing is to get them engaged in an activity that reinforces the concepts you were just talking about, so they can re-encounter these concepts in a different way.
Bringing all the Pieces of Following Directions Together
You are now well-prepared to teach your children all about following directions! Once you put these tips into practice, you’ll see the transformation of a child who sometimes follows direction to a child who consistently follows direction.
If you would like a step-by-step guide with engaging, downloadable materials and everything you need to teach and reinforce how to follow directions, I’ve already done all the work for you. This parent pack has 10 different Bedtime Stories that cover all the topics I’ve mentioned as well as coloring pages, game cards, worksheets, and more. The pack for teachers has all the same materials except instead of the bedtime stories, it has 10 different Teaching Texts designed to use in a classroom. I hope they make your life a little easier!
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